Christmas reflections
Some definitions of Christmas holidays. Time to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Time to help the poor. Time to be with your family. Time to set up Christmas tree. Time of hope, love, forgiveness, compassion, solidarity and prayers. Time to renew faith in God. Even non-Christians send greetings in social media. We feel compelled to.
For me the meaning of it has changed along the years. When I was a child, my parents once went downtown with their kids and pointed at Santa Claus. They said he would enter through the chimney and leave us presents. During the night they put some candies in the socks beside our beds. Further my sister and I knew they would buy us presents and we searched the house to find where they hid them. Once we found the dolls.
When I was pre-adolescent, I used to hear the noise of the neighbors playing and celebrating while we were all quiet in bed. That hush disturbed me. When I was married or had a boyfriend, I used to spend it with my in-laws since for them it was a time to have a supper celebration in family and exchange presents. We used to go to my hometown on the New Year’s Eve to have lunch with my parents and relatives on the first day of the year as part of the tradition they kept from Japanese culture. Sometimes me and my last ex-companion used to travel to the beach at the transition of the year.
While single I used to feel lonely and depressed at Christmas holidays. Since everybody else was with their families, the only option to me seemed to go join my quiet family. My parents expected me to be there I guess at the end of the year. I heard they used to celebrate my grandfather birthday on December 25. He died when I was 4.
There was a time for a few successive years I joined my cousin’s nephew’s parties. I felt out of place. Being far from my nuclear family highlighted I was single. With the passing of the years, I started enjoying being alone and at peace without any scheduled appointments or commitments. The isolation allows reflections. And I feel I need to reflect about Christmas.
Today is Christmas day, yesterday I sent back WhatsApp Christmas messages and cards, videos or pictures. My cousin, the one present in my life, invited me for lunch. She gave alternatives, in her home or mine. I guess she cares too much about the people around her. At night she went to her nephew, and she offered to bring food to me for lunch even tired. I should tell her it’s ok to be alone.
